Alfred Hitchcock Mystery Magazine 030111 by Dell Magazines

Author:Dell Magazines
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, pdf
Publisher: Dell Magazines
Published: 2011-03-01T08:00:00+00:00

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FICTION

ET TU, VALENTINUS

R. T. LAWTON

Art by Kelly Denato

Yarnell felt guilty about having the thin guy from the mortuary sleeping in his front closet. As he’d explained to his wife Patricia after she went to get her overcoat the next morning, his and Beaumont’s Halloween night break-in from the storm sewer into the basement of the jewelry store hadn’t gone quite as planned. There had been a slight miscalculation in measuring the distance from the manhole in the alley over to the correct spot to knock a hole in the sewer wall, and they ended up in a mortuary and if it hadn’t been for the assistant undertaker sleeping in a coffin because his wife cleaned him out in a divorce settlement and he couldn’t even afford rent on a park bench, they wouldn’t have made a dime on that job.

“The Thin Guy,” continued Yarnell, “opened the office safe for us on the condition that Beaumont and I cut him in on the loot, plus we now have to teach him how to burgle so he can make some quick cash on the side. Guess you could say me and Beaumont got us a protégé.”

“And he’s sleeping in our closet because . . . ?”

This was part of what Yarnell felt guilty about. “Because the owner of the mortuary didn’t know his assistant was hiding on the premises, waiting until after the business got locked up for the night. That’s when the Thin Guy snuck out of his hiding place and slept in the only comfortable spot he could find. But, after our burglary, the Thin Guy didn’t think it wise for him to sleep in their coffins anymore, so he needed a new place.”

“And he picked our closet?”

“Well,” replied Yarnell, “we’ve only got a one-bedroom flat and your worthless nephew is crashing on the living room sofa, not that I’m complaining, understand, but it doesn’t leave much else. Besides, this guy’s used to sleeping in tight places.”

“Why didn’t your partner take him in?”

Yarnell rubbed the upper edge of his hand over his chin.

“You know how bad the economy is right now. Turns out Beaumont had a short month and a long payment. He had to borrow a little cash from somebody who knew somebody, but then things didn’t work out so well on the repayment plan. Now Beau changes residence every time his hallway floor squeaks.”

“Let me guess, loan sharks.”

Yarnell nodded. “Bent Nose Tony from Seventy-ninth Street, one unforgiving individual when it comes to monetary matters, if you ask me.”

“So we end up with a permanent guest? Where am I supposed to hang my coat?”

“As soon as the guy makes enough money which he doesn’t have to declare on his income taxes,” Yarnell replied, “then he’ll move out.”

Patricia kept her arms crossed tightly over her chest, as the toe of her right shoe beat a grim funeral march on the kitchen linoleum floor. Yarnell hoped she was merely contemplating how to cope with circumstances concerning their new boarder.

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